How do you accept an apology when what the person apologizes for is not the reason you are upset? Do you accept the apology for what it is and then just drop it or do you insist on the other person validating your reasons for being mad?

It seems so silly. I feel like I have made the proverbial mountain out of a molehill. But it BOTHERS me.

I had been in a funk all day and thinking about how I am not taken seriously by my family. They think I “play on the computer” all day when the last thing I ever do is PLAY.

Then my “closer than a brother though not my lover” says the wrong thing. When he apologized (today in fact… over a week later…) he explained himself. “Well, I’m one to talk. I play games on my puter all day, too.”

TOO.  

I have read article upon article on not allowing your family to take advantage of you. Working at home does not mean NOT working. They call and when I don’t answer, they leave messages and then call again. And again. Or they don’t call. They just come over.

If I don’t respond to emails or messages on the day they send them, I am pummeled with “Why don’t you quit playing around on that computer?”  Let me clarify. I’m talking normal work hours here… until I don’t get my work done because of my family and end up having to stay up late.

I am venting. There are no REAL solutions as demanding respect is getting me nowhere. I created monsters by being available at all hours of the day and night and then suddenly, I am not available. My time is still considered their time. My children, both adult and teenagers, my sister, my cousin… my friends.

And I do feel guilty. I am supposed to be able to do it all and I can’t. How dare I do something for ME. I’m “supposed to” live my life for everyone else. Right?

So I get up early in the morning to get things done before anyone calls or comes over….

To find my daughter in the living room with my grandkids sleeping on the floor. “I didn’t want to be bored today, so ******** dropped me off on his way to work.”

She proceeds to talk to me as I try to write. And she talks. And she talks. And she talks. And then the baby wakes up. How I love my precious granddaughter.. How do you say “No”?  I tried that once and my daughter cut me off for two weeks.

Okay, so I created the monsters. But how do I fix it now? So aggravated.

*sigh*

Kevin Trudeau is not a “whistleblower”. He markets in fear. Why? Because it WORKS. But does the fact that it works make what he does, ethical?
I am not saying the man does not give good advice during his ranting and raving, but I truly hope that those who read his books and listen to his CD’s follow up and look into his claims for themselves.
It’s an opinion. Mine.

Sometimes it seems as though we think worrying is a virtue and dwell on things constantly because *gasp* if we stop, then things will REALLY go town the toilet…. Right? Do we really believe our fears and frets will change it all? Does it ever?

Yet we have all been guilty of it and most of us still do it.

There is God. There is this immensely powerful spiritual being that created an entire universe! He knows all, sees all, and He has a plan. We’re supposed to trust in God. Prayerful people do not have to worry.

Worrying is a choice we make – a choice to step out from under God’s umbrella and suffer needless fear. 

Humans. Go figure.

I started out as a writer on a freelance bidding site. When I first signed up, I was amazed at how little buyers would offer for quality writing. I wasn’t expecting to see such rates as 50 cents for an article or “8 hours of work a day for $2 an hour”. Frankly, it pissed me off. I had not even started writing for the web yet and I knew my writing was worth more than that. The problem was that as a “brand new writer”, I was not going to get the $10 to $20 for an article. I can honestly say I’ve never worked for $2 an hour and I’ve never accepted 50 cents for writing for half an hour, either. But I have worked for $3 an article and I’ve put hours into jobs that barely paid for a family dinner. I averaged .075 a word for a long time.

I decide to write for the experience. According to what I understand about the typical day of most freelance writers, I packed a year’s worth of experience into 8 months. Then I got sick and there was some family upheaval to deal with and I couldn’t meet my obligations to my long-term buyers. It was hard to admit that fact to myself, let alone to those people who counted on me for content and…oh…wait a minute! They counted on me to make money for them! It finally hit me! I had been writing articles for them and they were getting paid MUCH more for the articles that I wrote!  My leg hurt, my children were turning into hellions, and I was working for slave wages. I took a few weeks off.

Now, I have found a couple of buyers who honestly want quality content and are willing to pay better for it. I am not getting rich but I am not killing myself to survive.

As a little girl when I daydreamed about being a writer, I always saw myself writing stories. I love fiction! Instead, I am writing about football history, internet marketing and special “eco-friendly” kitty litter — and I don’t hate it.

Don’t get me wrong. There are times I want to throw up my hands, throw on my jacket and go eat ice cream. Some days I really want to just give up and go out and get a “real job”. [Yeah. Writing isn't a "real job". Just ask several members of my oh-so supportive family. They'll tell you. ]

Him: “Did you see that Ozzy is in a new PS2 game?”

Me: “Yes. I want to play that game. I haven’t played video games in a long, long time.”

Him: “Why? Don’t you have a system?”

Me: “I have a system, I just haven’t had the time to play.”

Him: “Oh yeah. You play on the computer all day.”

[5 minutes go by]

Him: “Karla?”

Him: “Do you not wanna chat anymore?”

Him: Going, Going….

Him: Going, Going…

Him: Okay. Love ya, see ya, bye

Him: Gone.

That would be one of the “family” referred to in my last post….

I WRITE 12 hours a day on most days. I DO NOT PLAY.

I am growing, evolving, and getting into bigger and better things.

If you are a writer and you truly love it, do yourself a favor and take some jobs for a few bucks an article. There is a chance that you write, anyway, even if it is just in your journal. Why not get make a few pennies for writing and build a portfolio while you’re at it?